Saturday, August 31, 2013

Anxious

 Anxious- that describes how I feeling tonight as I sit on the couch after an amazing weekend, a perfect ending to our summer, a perfect start to a new journey with new friends in a new country, and a perfect way to head into a start of a new school year.... so why be anxious?  Good question.   Do you ever long for alone time... a break from the noise, a mini getaway for some peace and quiet, a relaxing dinner by the candle light with your husband...and when you finally get that break you SO long for, it feels weird.  The silence is awkward and not as good and welcoming as you thought it'd be.  You find yourself talking about your kids, missing your kids, and longing to be back reunited with your kids because really, your kids, the noise, the chaos... we'll that's your life and your normal and without it... well it just isn't "normal".  If you know those feelings and what I'm talking about then, you probably will understand where I'm coming from.
Tomorrow is the day I've been longing for... or so I thought.  It was the "break" from the chaos I was wanting.  It was the "normal" back in our schedule I've been missing.  Or I thought I was wanting and missing.  See, life at home with 3 kids has been my "normal" for 3 months!!!  It has been crazy but it has been our crazy normal! We have had a super long summer break and it has been nice to all be together, the kids and I, as we adjusted to Brad being gone for so long and to help each other get through the move and get through the lonely times here in Saudi.  We've been together pretty much 24/7 for a little over 3 months... and I've been going a bit crazy these last couple of weeks and I've been longing for  break... but, now that my break is coming I'm SO anxious.... I'm not ready.  I'm not ready to ship my baby boy off for 7.5 hours a day.  I'm not ready for him to spend more of his day with a strange lady than he does with me.  I've enjoyed having him home with me and I don't think I'm as ready for the quiet break as I'd thought I'd be.  And honestly, I don't think any of us are!  My 3 kids have grown SO close, especially these past 3 weeks.  Not having any friends around has really made them lean on each other for support, fun, entertainment, and love.  They play together non-stop and they travel in a pack of 3.  I don't know what the little ones are going to do with Owen gone all day... and I don't think Owen knows what to think about leaving us all day.  I think we are all anxious!  I took him to meet his teacher the other day and he just looked around the room with wide eyes taking in all in.  He didn't say a single word and when I asked him to say "Hi" to his teacher he stood behind me and hid... never saying a word... this isn't like him... but I can't say I blame him.  This journey we are on is full of all sorts of ups and downs, mixed emotions, new people, new places.... it is all a lot to take in... but we've been okay because we've had each other... ALL DAY EVERY DAY we've had each other.... and tomorrow that all changes....
So we are anxious.
I ask that you please pray for us.  Pray for Owen as he starts a new school year.  Pray for his siblings as they adjust to life without Owen around 24/7 and pray for them too as they will soon start new schools soon too.  And especially pray for this poor anxious Momma.  Pray for my strength to help my kids with support, encouragement, and the right words to say to give them the reassurance and the confidence they need to have an amazing school year.  And pray that I stay strong for Owen and that Owen is strong and excited tomorrow and the morning "good byes" are easy on all of us.
I'm so anxious....

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