Friday, February 21, 2014

Proud Mommy Moment(s)

One cool Friday morning a month and a half ago I ran a duathlon.... a super proud mommy moment for me that I didn't think I could accomplish and yet, I did!  There was so much I learned for overcoming my fear of failure and coming in last and I couldn't wait to blog all about it but, that didn't happen.  For some reason(s), I couldn't find the right words to say and because of that (and a few other personal things that took up my time) I didn't write the post and I've neglected my blog.  See, I like to write in order and so if I get stuck on a blog I quit writing until I find the right words the finish a blog and can move on.  So now, after a month and a half, I will try to find the right words to express all I hope to in this blog post.
I have found that as a mom of three I often find myself spending my "free" time doing something for them or for the home.  When we moved to Saudi and my children started school people asked what I would do with "all of my free time".  The reality is, is that I don't have THAT much free time.  Each child starts and finishes school at a different time so by the time I drop everyone off, I have about 2.5 hours to myself and part of that is dedicated to taking a shower (that's definitely a mommy moment!).  If I were in the States my "free" time wouldn't be that free, I'd be cleaning, shopping, doing laundry.  Here I am blessed to have help in the house so I don't have to spend my "free" time doing not so fun things.
I get to spend "my" time doing things I really enjoy and lately that has been exercising.  I have even gotten to the point where I skip out on coffee chats in order to go for a run and I love it.  I love where I am in my personal journey to getting fit.  However, there is a downside to this journey.  And that is trying to find the right balance of being proud of my accomplishments to sounding like I'm bragging or have it more together than I really do.  And the latter is NOT what I want to do.
My hope in sharing my journey is to give others the idea that they can do it to and NOT that I have it more together than anyone else.  My journey started much like everyone else's.  My mind told me I couldn't do it.  I let fear control me.  I was scared of coming in last.  I told myself I wasn't strong enough.  I compared my body, strength, and my journey to everyone else.  And then I was blesssed to walk into a spin class by inviting myself along with a new friend to a Xfit/Spin class combo and I had to run out of that class a month and a half ago because I thought I was going to throw up, literally.  I had flashes of the Biggest Looser moment in my mind of their first work out and everyone was puking.  I couldn't believe I couldn't handle day 1.  Shortly after, the spin teacher followed me out to check on my and gave me a pep talk.  I finished out the class and went back 2 days later for more!
And so my journey began.
And remember, this is MY journey.  Not to be compared with YOUR journey or where YOU should be.  We are all exactly where each of us should be in our journey of life.  Be proud of YOUR moments and share in the joys of my moments.  (Another important lesson learned from my spin teacher.  Sharing of journeys is not to compare but to inspire!
I went to class the two days a week it was offered.  I noticed myself getting stronger.  I noticed myself wanting more.  I tried another class.  I went for a run by myself.  I set out to run a set distance along the beach and found myself running father than I thought I could.  I found myself being happier.  I had more energy.  And then I started to notice the small proud mommy moments I was having.  And I craved more!
There is a chance I wouldn't have noticed those small moments or appreciated those moments if it wasn't for my spin teacher (Asa).  My favorite part of class is the last 5 minutes during the cool down.  Asa speaks some powerful, encouraging words that seem to hit home and be what I need to hear each and every time.  At the end of January, just 3 months into my journey, we held a cadence of 100+ for the whole 30 minutes which was her goal for us that month and we accomplished that.  As she was talking about it she said, that is something to put in your jar.  Put in my jar?  What did that mean?  She said we should all have a jar we put in our accomplishments, the small things from things we done to things people have said to us, that we can look back on at the end of the year to see how far we have come.  For me, in 3 weeks I went from leaving class due to fear of puking to spinning at 100+ cadence for 30 minutes straight.  Wow!
Other moments.  Wearing jeans for the first time in months (I started to live in exercise pants and not because I was exercising every day but because they had a loose waist band I could fit into).  I did box jumps on the big box even though I told myself I probably couldn't, I should only try one.  I ended up doing 10 the first time!  After an hour exercise class I ran a 3K home, I told myself I could walk if I needed to but I ended up running the whole time and even went farther than my house.  I realized (again, thanks to Asa) that I was letting fear control what I thought I could do and what I did and I started to stop letting my mind talk me out of trying things.
Soon there was talk on camp of a duathlon and I wondered if I could do it.  It was a 3K run, 15K bike, and a 3K run.  I knew I could run 3K but wasn't sure about the rest.  So I asked Asa, "Do you think I could do this?"  "OF COURSE YOU CAN!" she said, "And I already signed you up!"  Then I questioned her if I could bike 15K.  Have we done that in class yet?  So I checked, yep, in 30 minutes we had actually biked a 18K so I COULD do it.  But what about putting it all together.
I wanted to do it.  Talked myself out of it.  Got excited about it.  Came up with excuses as to why I couldn't do it.  Had people excited for me.  Tried to discount it.  Gave myself a pass to walk if I needed to.  Decided to go for it.
And I did it!  I ran the WHOLE thing.  Biked the whole time.  I didn't use any of my "free passes".  Enjoyed the whole process.  Smiled the whole time and was so excited to cross the finish line!  It was an amazing feel and an amazing proud mommy moment!
While I have enjoyed my small accomplishments along the way, one of my favorite parts of the journey of this race was showing my family all I have done!  After the many days at the sidelines cheering them on, it was now their turn to support me.  To see me accomplish a goal I had set out to do.  To learn that just because I am a mommy, I still get to have moments for me!  To see me finish something I set out to do.  And to learn that my journey and proud moments will still continue.  What are your proud mommy moments?

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